The Endo Times

I know it's been a while since I've posted an update here, but so much has been going on, and I've been trying to process my feelings and come to terms with everything, which hasn't been easy. I should have just started writing this post to begin with—writing is how I truly process things anyway. I'm not sure where to begin, so I'll start with the bottom line: I quit the trial. I feel so ashamed of myself that I couldn't finish it, that I couldn't push through and stick it out. I feel like I have failed myself, failed my readers, and failed my endo community. I have been considering quitting the trial for a few months now. I think I've mentioned that before, but I was trying to push through, telling myself it would get better. But here's the thing: It wasn't getting better. It seemed like the longer I was on the drug, the worse I got. Cramping and stabbing pains every day. Bleeding almost every day. Days I was so tired, getting out of bed s...

That gem of a quote was provided by Dave the other day while we were walking around the lake. We came to some geese standing on the walking path, and as I was reminding Dave about the demon geese at the Riverwalk that chase me when I'm running, I discretely made my way to his other side, so as not to be close to the geese. "Did you really just do that?" he asked me. "If they chase you, all you have to do is punch them. I've punched a goose before." Literally almost died laughing. I'm laughing again thinking about it now. ANYWAY, that's not really what today's post is about, but I got a good laugh out of it, and I was hoping you would, too. I ain't tryin' to mess with you, dude. Dave's story about punching a goose may not be what today's post is about, but it did get me thinking about comfort zones—in that case, my comfort zone being avoiding the geese rather than standing up to them (though I just don't know about punchin...

This feels like one of those weeks where I probably need to apologize to everyone again. I feel like I've been channeling Ouiser—"I'm not crazy. I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years." Or, well, 35 in my case. THERE'S STILL TIME. I've been crazy busy and had very little time to myself, which makes me just a little cranky. Sorry if you had to deal with me this week and you thought I was  awful. I probably was. So, anyway, I just finished week 4 of the trial drug, making it officially one month. And dear 8 pound 6 ounce newborn baby Jesus, what a month it has been. I know February only has 28 days, but they have gone on FOREVER. Every time I think I'm feeling better, my friend comes to visit and reminds me that I'm not. That's right folks, guess who's back, back again... Since about Friday, I had been planning on writing this super-optimistic post about how I had been feeling better this week. Still fatigued, but I really wasn...