The Real Deal

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Recently, I've had some pretty nasty flare-ups, and the old frustration is creeping back in. I have to go to extreme measures to get any semblance of relief. And if that relief comes, it's often fleeting. These flare-ups make me feel trapped in my own body, hopeless and desperate. I was really hoping that participating in this trial would give me some relief, but it's honestly hard to say if it has. Sometimes it feels like maybe it is, but then other times... Well, other times, I have weeks like last week where I'm in so much pain I can barely function, but I have to force myself to function because I have to fly home from a business trip so I buy every single pack of Aleve from an airport kiosk then spend an hour sitting on the toilet and crying quietly in the bathroom. I have so many thoughts and feelings, it's honestly hard to put them into words, so this week I'm giving you a photo blog. This is me. This is how I feel. This is my real life, not my Facebook life.








I think Jessie Madrigal-Fletcher1 (another endo blogger—check out the links at the end) summed it up perfectly when she said that endometriosis is "an emotional ordeal. You look in the mirror and you see a healthy and potentially strong person. In reality, you feel like you’re covered in tar, longing for your duvet and a bucket of painkillers."2

This is me. This is us.

Until next time.

Yours,

Test Subject 521-002

If you're curious about Jessie Madrigal-Fletcher:
1. You can find her blog at https://endometriosisnews.com/category/dachshunds-duvets-a-column-by-jessie-madrigal-fletcher/.
2. You can read the specific blog post I quoted at https://endometriosisnews.com/2017/08/25/endometriosis-life-sometimes-inspirational-quotes-just-arent-enough/.

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