It's Not You, It's Me
No, we're not breaking up. Just wanted you to know that if I haven't been myself this week—haven't responded to messages as quickly as usual, haven't been 100% present, haven't wanted to hang out, haven't been my normal bubbly self (HAHA)—it's not you, it's me.
I have been on the trial meds for exactly one week now, and I have felt like complete garbage for about five of the last seven days. I took the first dose last Wednesday. On Saturday, I noticed that I was really fatigued—not just tired but completely exhausted. Like, remember when you were 21 and stayed out until 5:00 in the morning, then had to go to class or work at 8:00? That kind of tired but without the hangover and multiplied by 197. According to my calendar, I was due to start ovulating, so I chalked it up to that. Thanks to my friend Endo, ovulation is often worse than my actual period. But then, even though I just had my period two weeks ago, IT CAME AGAIN. Huzzah! So, that was Monday. And since then, I have been exhausted to the point that it is hard to get out of bed in the morning, no matter how early I go to bed, and I am in a significant amount of pain because, you know, Monday happened. Now, granted, fatigue and pain are both things I deal with on some level on an almost daily basis. They are symptoms of endometriosis, in case you're not familiar with this super-fun "disorder," as the medical professionals like to call it. I know these symptoms well and have been dealing with them for over half my life. It's just that this past week, they've been more pronounced, leaving me to feel like staying home in my PJs, curling up in a ball on the couch, and never leaving the house. But, because I must adult, I have been in an extreme state of "just push through" since Saturday. I am normally very good good at pushing through—it's basically how I live my life—but this week has been rough, to say the least. Please don't feel bad for me, though. I'm not telling you this because I want your sympathy; I am just giving you information and also apologizing if you've had personal interactions with me that have left you going, "WTF is wrong with her??"
I also don't want you to feel sorry for me, because, even though this week sucked, I think this is good. The symptoms I am having are also side effects of the drug, according to the paperwork. This is a phase IV trial, so side effects are pretty well documented by now, and if I am having side effects, it means that I am receiving the drug NOT the placebo. There are three possibilities with this trial:
All that info aside, let's get back to why I think feeling like hot garbage is a good thing right now. The fact that I am experiencing some side effects leads me to believe that I at least got the elagolix rather than the placebo. I think it's too early for me to make any guesses as to whether I got the add-back or not, but I am hoping that the side effects I am experiencing now are just my body adjusting to a new hormone. So, even though they are kind of getting me down this week, they are also giving me hope, as weird as that seems. I have actually had similar reactions in the past when starting a new birth control. What's different with this, at least for now, is that this drug deosn't seem to be affecting my mental state and emotions, as BC normally does. My husband will attest to the fact that I turn into a completely different person when I'm taking birth control. And the worst part about BC is that it never helps the endo symptoms.
Anyway, here's hoping this is a "it gets worse before it gets better" situation and if you've had to deal with me and I've been a zombie, thank you for understanding and I'm sorry!
Yours,
Test Subject 521-002
I have been on the trial meds for exactly one week now, and I have felt like complete garbage for about five of the last seven days. I took the first dose last Wednesday. On Saturday, I noticed that I was really fatigued—not just tired but completely exhausted. Like, remember when you were 21 and stayed out until 5:00 in the morning, then had to go to class or work at 8:00? That kind of tired but without the hangover and multiplied by 197. According to my calendar, I was due to start ovulating, so I chalked it up to that. Thanks to my friend Endo, ovulation is often worse than my actual period. But then, even though I just had my period two weeks ago, IT CAME AGAIN. Huzzah! So, that was Monday. And since then, I have been exhausted to the point that it is hard to get out of bed in the morning, no matter how early I go to bed, and I am in a significant amount of pain because, you know, Monday happened. Now, granted, fatigue and pain are both things I deal with on some level on an almost daily basis. They are symptoms of endometriosis, in case you're not familiar with this super-fun "disorder," as the medical professionals like to call it. I know these symptoms well and have been dealing with them for over half my life. It's just that this past week, they've been more pronounced, leaving me to feel like staying home in my PJs, curling up in a ball on the couch, and never leaving the house. But, because I must adult, I have been in an extreme state of "just push through" since Saturday. I am normally very good good at pushing through—it's basically how I live my life—but this week has been rough, to say the least. Please don't feel bad for me, though. I'm not telling you this because I want your sympathy; I am just giving you information and also apologizing if you've had personal interactions with me that have left you going, "WTF is wrong with her??"
I also don't want you to feel sorry for me, because, even though this week sucked, I think this is good. The symptoms I am having are also side effects of the drug, according to the paperwork. This is a phase IV trial, so side effects are pretty well documented by now, and if I am having side effects, it means that I am receiving the drug NOT the placebo. There are three possibilities with this trial:
- You receive elagolix—the trial drug, which reduces the production of estrogen because an overabundance of estrogen is what causes the endo to flare up and be painful—and an estrogen/progestin medication (called add-back therapy) to reduce some of the side effects. You receive this for the entirety of the trial (two years).
- You receive elagolix and a placebo instead of the add-back therapy for six months. After six months, you receive the add-back therapy and remain on that for the rest of the trial.
- You receive a placebo. If you receive the placebo, you take that for the first year of the trial. During the second year of the trial, all study participants receive both elagolix and the add-back therapy.
All that info aside, let's get back to why I think feeling like hot garbage is a good thing right now. The fact that I am experiencing some side effects leads me to believe that I at least got the elagolix rather than the placebo. I think it's too early for me to make any guesses as to whether I got the add-back or not, but I am hoping that the side effects I am experiencing now are just my body adjusting to a new hormone. So, even though they are kind of getting me down this week, they are also giving me hope, as weird as that seems. I have actually had similar reactions in the past when starting a new birth control. What's different with this, at least for now, is that this drug deosn't seem to be affecting my mental state and emotions, as BC normally does. My husband will attest to the fact that I turn into a completely different person when I'm taking birth control. And the worst part about BC is that it never helps the endo symptoms.
Anyway, here's hoping this is a "it gets worse before it gets better" situation and if you've had to deal with me and I've been a zombie, thank you for understanding and I'm sorry!
Yours,
Test Subject 521-002
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