Pi Day, Schmi Day

In the spirit of last week's post, I thought I'd continue celebrating (celebrating? No, that's not right. Honoring? Yes, honoring) Endometriosis Awareness Month by hitting you with some more facts. Oh yeah... That's still going on... Did you forget? Get so excited about Pi Day? It's understandable. Unless you spent your entire day in excruciating pain (me) while trying to push through and appear to be a normal human adult (me) and failing miserably once again (also me), you probably didn't have any reason to think about it. And that's okay. I'm glad you didn't. But it is still Endometriosis Awareness Month and I'm gonna keep talking about it. So here's some reading material to go along with your pi.

Last week, I shared some clinical facts about endo. Things that happen at the doctor's office. Things doctors say. Problems with diagnosis. Problems with treatment. You read the post (you did, right??); you get it. But the facts I want to share this week are the things they don't tell you in the doctor's office—the symptoms and side effects that aren't clinical so no one talks about them.

So, without any further ado, here are some facts:

1. Endometriosis has the potential to kill your social life. Like going out with your friends? Like being spontaneous? Hate being spontaneous but love making plans? Yes? Forget all of that. You can make all the plans you want, but when endo decides to rear it's ugly head, guess what: You're not going anywhere but to the couch or the bed with a heating pad, pain meds, and the hope that you will just pass out. Endometriosis means canceling plans, missing family events, spending holidays in a haze. As I said last week, it's an equal opportunity employer. It doesn't care who you are, what you have to do, where you're going, what you planned, or what you want to do. And the thing is, canceling plans with your friends or family never gets easier. It makes me feel simultaneously small and weak and like a giant piece of human garbage every time I have to do it.
2. Endometriosis will leave you on the side of the road, helpless and stranded. The doctors tell you that exercising more "will help with the cramps." But here's the reality of endo: Sometimes, you are in too much pain to workout. Sometimes, you are too fatigued to work out. Sometimes, you start a workout and it causes a debilitating flareup in the middle and you have to stop. Sometimes, you're out running and you go too hard and it causes a flare-up and you have to call someone to come pick you up because you literally are in too much pain to walk anymore (done that) or you have to stop and lie down on the treadmill in the hotel gym until you feel like you can walk again (also done that—did that today).
3. Endo causes fatigue. This a clinical fact. The doctors will tell you endo causes fatigue. What they don't tell you is the extent of the fatigue. It's not every day. But on the days that you feel it, YOU EFFING FEEL IT. These are the days it's hard to get out of bed. The days you force yourself to get out of bed—because as working adults, that's what you have to do—but no matter how much coffee you drink, you are still dragging. These are also the days where you end up canceling plans because you are just too tired to function. Imagine having the flu but the flu is contained to your uterus.
4. Endo gives you a true appreciation for "good" days. My good days are not the same as yours. My good days are the days that the pain is minor or at least manageable and I resemble a normal human person. These are the days where I let myself think that one day I might feel "normal" (I know, I know, who can define "normal," but trust me when I tell you that this is not it.)
5. Endo causes painful intercourse. This another clinical fact. This is something else doctors will tell you. What they don't tell you is how painful "painful intercourse" actually is and how much that affects your relationships. I am very lucky to be married to a person who is super understanding about this. But I haven't always been this lucky. Sex is part of a romantic relationship. It just is. But what happens to your relationship when you remove sex from it? What do you become then? You have to work very hard to make sure you don't start feeling like roommates. And not everyone is willing to put in that work. I have read so many stories of women who have ended up heartbroken because their partner or spouse or significant other just could not deal with their symptoms. They couldn't deal with the days spent confined to the house and the failed attempts at sex and the emotional strain that it puts on everyone involved. You literally have to redefine your relationship. 

So, those are some more facts about endo. These are the things the doctors don't tell you, but this is what we live with every day. Endo makes you an expert on acting like you feel normal when you feel so far from it you don't even know what normal is. I've had it since I was 16 and most of you didn't know until I started this blog. That's how good we are. Enjoy your pi.

Until next week.

Yours,

Test Subject 521-002