Thank you for being a friend...

If you read the title and automatically started singing the theme song for The Golden Girls in your head (bonus points for singing out loud), congratulations, you are my people.

I'm happy to report that for the past few days, I have been able to answer "None" or "Mild" when my e-diary asks me how much endo pain I've had for the day. Which is a relief because most of the past 4-5 weeks have been absolutely horrendous, pain-wise. Even though I was at the beach for our epic annual Weaver-Clark Family Vacation (I'm making t-shirts next year, guys—consider yourselves warned), and then in Nashville for our big Posh convention, and then Dave and I went to the Kesha & Macklemore concert (AMAZING, btw), and now I'm traveling again (currently in the midst of a four-hour layover as I travel to Providence for USA Gymnastics National Congress), and it looked (looks?) like I am having a blast (not gonna lie, I was and am), I have also been pushing through a great deal of pain for most of it—including the beach and Nashville. And even though I'm not currently in pain, it is constantly on my brain, because while I am in Providence, I have to take a big, scary, important test, and I am afraid that flying is going to make me have a flare-up (as it tends to do) and pain is going to affect me on test day. I'm thinking too far ahead, I know. But the anxiety is real. It's real because I have lived these scenarios, and I know that they can happen. It's more a fear of when rather than if, which I actually think is a pretty logical fear.

ANYWAY... Back to my point. A few of you who were in Nashville with me knew what I was struggling with and checked on me periodically and helped me find pain meds when I was an idiot and went to Posh Night without first transferring my ibuprofen from my daytime backpack to my nighttime purse. So, you all know who you are, thank you for being a friend. The thing about chronic illness and chronic pain is that sometimes it's hard to ask for help when you don't feel well, because you don't want to be a burden on family and friends—and that's especially true when you feel like shit at the same time fun things are happening. I should also throw in that Dave checked on me constantly at the beach to make sure I was okay and had what I needed. I just wanted everyone to know how much it means to me to know I have people.

A lot of people say, "Let me know if I can help," or "Let me know if you need anything," and I definitely understand the sentiment. I'm guilty of saying the same thing myself. I say it because I don't know what else to say, and I am genuinely willing to help. But on the flip side of that, when you have to ask for help, you feel like a burden. You feel like you're being dramatic. You feel like other people are judging you or other people think you're being dramatic or trying to milk it or take advantage of people. So, what ends up happening is you don't ask for help when you need it. You end up just pushing through, going through the motions when you're supposed to be having fun. Or you end up doing nothing at all, because you just can't.

I know I've talked about the importance of self-care before (HELLO, MY WHOLE SIDE HUSTLE IS SELF-CARE), but I am reiterating it right now, because I know I have been neglecting myself, and my body is making sure I know. My summer has been crazy. In addition to all my travels, I still have my full-time day job, which I love very much but has been incredibly busy the past few weeks. I've been studying for the test I mentioned earlier (which is Saturday, so if you happen to remember, send me some good vibes—I can use all I can get), as well just stressing about the test in general. I'm also still working on my Master's in PR and Marketing, and I've been taking classes all summer. Oh, and I'm still working my Posh business, which I've been trying to work extra hard at lately because I want to earn the Incentive Trip to Puerto Vallarta! And all of that is in addition to trying to find time to workout, keep the house clean, do laundry, cook dinner... You know, basic daily stuff that's not necessarily hard but is time consuming. I've been stressed more often than not. And how my body deals with this is by having those super-fun endo flare-ups. Since the beginning of July, I've been OFF my period for a total of six days. And those six days were not in a row. I realize that after this trip, I have to take more time to let my body recover. So, if I disappear or get distant for a few days, please don't take it personally! My body and mind are exhausted.

I know school is starting back and schedules are going to get crazy, but seriously, y'all don't forget to take care of yourselves. Don't do what I've been doing. If your body is shutting down because you need rest, don't try to ignore it. Because, guess what! Ignoring it only makes it worse, and it will make the crash worse. If you need to rest, do it. You can cancel those plans; your true friends will understand. (I know I struggle with this, too, because I don't want to let anyone down.) If you see a friend struggling, offer to help out. Sometimes, the hardest times to ask for help are the times you need it the most.

Give yourself a break. Help each other out. We're all just human beans.

Until next time.

Yours,

Test Subject 521-002